Let's Break A Leg! xD

Exams starting tomorrow! I can't believe,me, Ashini, actually studied for it! I'm possessed! Argh!

Tomorrow Sejarah, managed not to drift off to Dreamland while revising Chapter 5 and 6! Bluek! I'm dead! ><

Science, Chapter 4 and 5! 4 err ok ok lar, 5 cekap! At least a 'B' would do!

And last but not least, BM, my darling,my love! xD 40 questions of tatabahasa! No komsas! Wheeeee! I need to get 90 and above or else teacher would kill me! Gosh! :/

Good luck to all those sitting for exams including myself! Let's break a leg! :D

Its Complicated

I tell myself I've to let him go. Mustn't think about him. but somehow the feelings come rushing back automatically. So much of convincing myself! -.-

Yesterday, we crossed paths and I turned to look at other direction. Pretended like he didn't exist but as soon we crossed I turned to look at him. He was gone. And I was hyper again. Phew!
Today, omg, he was so close. I was so tempted to glance sideways to look at him, smile and say hello but my pride stopped me. Owh yeah my pride. So once again, pretended he didn't exist.

Yeah,really felt like doing it!

Why? Because I feel like I have to prove to him that I'm stronger than he thinks I am. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!!! Not for leaving but for certain other reasons. Ya I HATE him!

Knock your head real hard, to get your senses working!!!

He must have thought I'm mean or something but oh well only I know how it feels to do so and I like to keep it that way.

I won't let it!

My friends,well they aren't much help. They constantly remind me of him.I told them I'm over and done but they just don't believe me. What do they expect me to say;

"YES, I STILL LOVE HIM.VERY MUCH."

No way I'm ever gonna admit that in front of them. NO!

In class

Eunice: What happened to you and him?

Me: *no response

Eunice: Tell lar what happened'

Me: Shush! Read your Geo textbook and lemme do my PJ notes.

Eunice: -.-

*************************************************************************

Eunice: Wow, so fast you got over him! How ah? *grins*

Me: *silent...It just happened!

Eunice: How?

Me: Dunno

**************************************************************************
Science Lab
-We talked a lot of stuffs but I don't really remember them except for this

Eunice: You still like him!!

Me: *straight face* No I don't!

Eunice: Yes you do!

Me: No I don't!

Eunice: Ya, deep inside your heart,you do. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside! *drew example on my textbook*

Me: No

Yes, I do make mistakes and I'm pretty sure he's definitely one of them. Who's he? A form 4 guy whom I rejected. I don't regret it at all!

Its been over a year now and I can't believe he still haven't got over it yet. He said he likes me and that I toyed with his feelings though I have no idea why and how. I just remember being ME!

If he thinks by going around telling people what I did is gonna make me change my mind and accept him, well too bad it isn't! I'm becoming more popular and he has become just the other guy who promoted me. Well, I've thanked him and his reaction on his face was worth watching. I don't even like him, never did! I just don't get what his problem is.

So cute! xD

My Mind Is A Mess, My Heart Is In A Storm

"You deserve someone better" 

I've been hearing this from the first day I revealed that I like him but it didn't make any difference instead I fell in love with him so how can he possibly think by saying it again to me would change my mind? Trust me, it doesn't. I'm sick and tired of hearing this same old sentence and everytime I've gotta repeat myself that I don't want someone better. He's good enough for me. 

He doesn't love me, he left me, he managed to get over me well that's him not me. I'm still here waiting like I said a few months back although I know he's not gonna come back, I don't think I'll manage to get over him,I'm a sick bitch and I still love him. 

The problem is I don't think I could imagine someone else in his place. I don't think I could fall for another person. I'm stuck. I'm gonna miss him, in fact I started to miss him the very moment he said goodbye. 

He just walked away without giving me a reason, an explanation, something that I could hold on to. Don't I deserve to know? Its just so unfair. Now I sit here and wonder what went wrong. Its like only his feelings matter. As though I don't have feelings right? He said he's sorry but what is that sorry gonna give me? 

I'm trying my level best to take it positively but screw my feelings, the just come rushing back forcing the tears. I'm being as sarcastic as possible to myself, blast the music but it just doesn't seem to work. Well, what does he expect? 2 weeks back I almost got over him and then he came back and made me believe this time it would last. This time, I wouldn't get hurt but it didn't and I got hurt. 

Forget him? Easy to say hard to do. I don't simply forget people especially those who mean a lot to me. I don't care if he's gonna forget me, fall for someone else, whatever but just don't expect me to do the same. I'm NOT him.

Just once try to put myself in my shoes. You'll fall on the very first step itself. Just once try to understand my feelings, you'll have nightmares. You cried yesterday, I don't know why. Just try being me for a while and you'll know how much I've cried, how badly I'm still crying. Imagine how it feels being left by one guy again and again. Imagine how it feels when you have to cry yourself to sleep, having all those thoughts that doesn't seem to go away, haunting your nights. If one day you understand all these, then you'd really know how I feel.

Here We Go Again

You know that feeling you get when you're having a really good day and suddenly something or someone come up and turn it it all around?! Going through that feeling right now.

Once again you decided to leave me. This is the 5th time I guess. Wow? I'm that worthless,right?

You shouldn't have took me back the previous time. You should have just left me, thinking that you didn't love me. But you took me back, made me feel like you loved me and now just left me like nothing happened.

Please don't cry? Well, you have no idea how hard I'm trying. You seriously don't know how
it feels.

No one's telling me anything. Kelvine,Kishen and Charath are hiding something from me. Yet they stare at me as though I killed someone and going through a really pathetic life. Well for now, I am. You're hiding something from me. I have no idea why. Thanks guys.

=/

I wonder...

Sometimes the really sweet ones and sometimes those harsh words you say to me.

I really don't like it!