Just A Boring Day

Mood: Neutral

I was not in talking terms with everyone at my house for not letting me go Jusco. I gave them 5 reasons why they should have let me go and another 5 for why it would have been ok to let me go and they only had one lame reason. Hah so score 1 to the brat! :P So they tried their best to make me talk and stop acting so dead. They were being super nice wei. I have been demanding stuffs from them. Muahahaha.

I was dragged to go shopping, ergh! All those people that I know from the shopping mall just smiled and me and I just went around like a moody Hitler, staring at all of them with grumpy look. Well what else can I do?! I wasn't interest in shopping and they didn't even bring me to the bookstore and I was so weak, I could hardly walk. Damn!

Slept off early and slept like a baby of course since I was awake for more than 24 hours before that! ._.

Miserable Me

Mood: Unhappy

For the first time, I didn't sleep at all like seriously not at all. 8 hours, I was there lying on my bed, more like doing sit ups ergh, crying, having all sort of weird thoughts and the sore throat and stuffy nose and fever made it all worse. I just didn't know what to do. I swear I wish I was dead, just for that moment. Dammit! That was how miserable I was.

Well actually I've been skipping my meds, hehe  but they all taste YUCKS! How did I manage to skip? Home alone! So whenever my mom texts me asking whether I've consumed my meds, my obvious answer would be yes. Muahaha! Ok I regret that! She found out so now I have my aunt to "babysit" me! ==' And gosh she's definitely gonna shove those meds into my throat in no time. And she's not allowing me to use the com or get out of my bed. She says I've gotta rest. I AM RESTING! So right now how am I blogging?! In my room, on my bed, with the laptop and she doesn't know yet cause every time she enters I hide it under my pillows. The advantage of having lots of pillow on your bed. Wheee!

And because I'm getting worse, I'm not allowed to go Jusco today with Kritz and Thurga. Noooooo! I wanna go to Popular! The smell of new books would definitely cure me. Whyyyyyy sick whyyyyyy?! I hate you the max! Yes I know I've already bought lots of new storybooks to read but still going to the bookshop always makes me HAPPY and right now I'm UNHAPPY. I wanna go I wanna go I wanna go!!
Now I'm seriously gonna bite someone. Rawr!

A,B,C,D, Problems Are After Me!

Mood: I dunno what the heck it is!!

Feeling better?! Nooooo! I'm still sick and I sound terrible and my nose is so red! =(

Today for the first time, my hair behaved when I tied a ponytail and it was amazing. I'm so loving the look and so are people. XD

Gabby has been saying a punch line that is so not funny at all. C'mon! Do not say that when you don't mean it k. Ergh. I'm wanting to hear that sentence from someone else so please. Owh wait, he doesn't even know I own a blog so I've gotta tell him really?! Ah forget it!

I'm kinda sorta a lil happy. Why?! Hehehe I talked to someone. Oh yeah! :D
And I'm happy for Kamz too. That idiot guy still loves her. Aww and now she's not emo anymore. She's positive. Okie I'm whee bit jealous and now I'm the negative one. I have two people who told me positive stuffs and I'm supposed to be happy bout it but guess what, I'm NOT cause there's no way I'm gonna let it bug me now. Not at all!

Crap! I'm talking to that ONE guy and here we go again, making ANOTHER deal and gah he remembers the first deal and keeps on repeating it. Whyyyy?! Okie he did scare me just now, I mean if you wanna give examples means give ones that isn't way too over. Ergh! Crap! I wonder what on earth does he want from me. Why did I even ask for tips! Crap! ._.
I wish myself all the very best.

And omg I haven't slept yet thanks to him. I've gotta wake up early tomorrow. Oh shit!
And Popular, wait for me, I'm coming homeeee! :D

Messed Up

Mood: Unhappy

Imagine how it feels like waking up in the morning and seeing yourself in the mirror, looking lifeless and all so weak. To try to puke with an empty stomach thinking that the sore throat would just go away but nothing actually happens except that you're hurting your tummy real bad. It hurts you know! To have a stuffy nose. To feel like your fingers gonna snap and your head is about to fall and roll on the floor at any moment. To resist the tired feeling and drowsiness of the meds just to resist falling asleep. To have severe headache thanks to being resistant. Yeah imagine all that. It was ME today. Yes, I'm officially sick and I'm extremely weak and unmotivated. So do not make me angry, I may bite. Rawr!

Just yesterday, I was really fine and looked great and just in one night everything changed. Damn! I hate you virus!

I've been lacking of sleep these few days. Just when I lay on my bed all comfy and ready to sleep, all the things that I don't wanna remember comes back rushing. These few days the memory of the mistakes I did in the past with this guy keeps haunting me and the deal we made, that made things worse. I really can't sleep at all. I just lay there on my bed, WIDELY AWAKE, and wishing real hard that all these thoughts would just disappear at least just for a while. I need a break. This ONE guy has really messed up my thoughts.

Texted with Shin Hau and hah talked bout it to him. He's always helpful and the best thing bout him is that he doesn't judge you, no matter what mistakes you've done. He told me to not make any stupid mistakes and yesh I'm so not gonna repeat what I did before. He knows what I did but luckily he didn't like have any bad impression on me. Phew! And I don't wanna worry bout that guy or the deal anymore. Just gonna forget it. Yesh! That's it! The past is the past.

A Deal Of Death?!

Holy shit! What have I done?! OMFG! I cannot believe I actually agreed to that deal. Hah I knew that person was somehow gonna ask when he talked about it but I didn't know that I would accept.
I know he wanted ME to ask first but hey I've got pride k! So he somehow called, talked, twisted the story and I idiotically agreed.
Like seriously, what the hell?! Oh my, this is worst than our previous mistakes, eh maybe not, the previous mistake was too bad! This is so not real, it can't be. It's so weird. Ergh. Fuck this shit man!! I'm loosing my mind. What happened to me?! Dammit! I feel like, err no way I'm downgrading myself!

Welcome Back Uncertainty!

Mood: Confused

Best way to end my day is by having someone talk about someone I must not think about in a sense of more than a best friend. No, not MEGA BEST FRIEND ! I mean like relationship stuffs.

The whole day, I've been hearing all sorts of bad things about him and I can't help but agree and slowly dislike him slightly and then all of a sudden comes his best friend, telling me stuffs that I don't wanna know about but hah no way I'm putting my hopes high this time, oh wait I don't wanna have any hope for this shit also! Trust me, I don't even believe whatever he said well except a few stuffs. Totally messed up my mind by making me feel guilty and unsure. Hah! No way it's happening! Dammit!

And another awkward thing happened. Well, err, the guy that I made a terrible mistake with a few months ago said something really weird to me. Seriously never expected that! We were friends, then suddenly somehow we became slightly more than friends but weren't in a real relationship or anything but since the feeling started becoming stronger and we were at the edge of making further mistakes, I managed to get out of it but he didn't take it positively and stopped talking to me. Then somehow we talked again and became friends again, wohoo! But now it's slightly going back to the more than friends type of relationship. Oh shit! And it wasn't me who started, it was him. Crapiola!

All these happening, and there is Arvind, waiting for me like a good guy. It'll be so mean of me to say "NO" to him after asking him to wait. Damn!

OMG, this sucks man! There's one guy that I really like and I definitely gonna have to stop anytime soon, another guy, am not sure of my feelings for him, I just don't wanna make another major mistake like before and ruin our friendship and then there's this guy who doesn't know what's happening but willingly waiting for me.

Lies

Mood: Annoyed 

People who suck at lying should really stick with the truth. You're only hurting yourself. If you think the person you're lying to doesn't know, think again!

I never believed your lies, it was just you being tricked into believing that your lies actually convinced me. The only reason why I don't tell you that you bullshit all the time is cause I was living with a tiny hope that you might change someday and tell the truth but I found out nothing's gonna happen cause once a liar forever a liar. Haiz.

The only person your lying to is yourself, and that is worse than lying to me or anyone else.  It's sad because you actually believe your lies when no one else does.

No, I don't hate you like other people because it's not gonna change who you are. Just try mending your ways, then everyone would like you. I know I'm wasting my time writing here hoping it would wake you up from your world of awfulness and lies and all. But why can't you just try?! There's no harm in trying.

I feel so bad when I hear people constantly say you're liar and I can't do anything but agree cause that's the ugly truth. And once again, I don't hate you. You are my best friend and I respect you for that.

Mood: Neutral

Mom: -calls my nickname- wake up and get ready quick. We'll be back in half an hour and then take you.

Me: -moans- I don't wanna go. I wanna sleep!

Mom: Are you sure? 

Me: Yeah of course

Mom: ok

*seriously no sane teenager would agree to wake up and go on a long drive to aunt's house at 5:30 am! -.-

Half an hour later...woke and got dressed up and all, no idea why then parents came back and asked "You want to go?! She left for KL since you said you didn't want to go to her house.
Me: -what the fuck man!- What?! Argh! K fine! Home alone again. No big deal! Off to bed again! Nitez, I mean mornin'!

So basically my day started out crappy! Ergh!
Later I was kinda crazy. You see when I'm crazy, I would really appreciate if people cooperate with me cause I guarantee it'll definitely be fun. 2 of them did in the morning and another totally bored me. Ergh!

Watched a movie, super sad. Erm, well nothing much happened. So that's it I guess. What a boring day.

Summary

Mood: Happy ; Sleepy ; Tired 

Was at CH for 3 days. Gah, it was so cold. Really tired now after a long day with cousins so no mood to talk bout the holidays. Just put it in this way, I had a great time.

Attended a wedding before leaving and was at Arvind's house for some time. Felt so awkward being with him. I mean he was all friendly and back like normal but it was just me, felt like it was unfair to him, you know. Whatever. The fresh air up in CH totally made me forget bout all the nonsense I'm going through. Awh I love the nature. Best companion ever other than my super fun besties.

It's only been four days since the holidays begun and I'm already missing my friends a lot. I don't know how I'm gonna survive for the next one month+ without them.

The wound on my hand is slowly healing now. It looks better than how it was a few days back. Ergh a really horrible sight but now it's kinda dry so it's not that ugly. The doctor says she'll try to make sure there wouldn't be any scars and make it look just like how it was before and she keeps on advising me to not do anything stupid in the near future.

Time heals all wounds but memories cut it deeper.

Yeah yeah I know, don't worry, I love myself way too much to hurt myself err well except for the other day, just got pissed, couldn't control. Not my fault!

Everything we do is based on fear, most importantly love. 

Just Another Story!

I woke up with smile, told you it ain't gonna fade away anytime soon.

Mood: Happy ; Annoyed

Spent 3 hours at Woman Hitler's house, gossiping with Hanu. It was so much fun. Haiz makes me miss the old times where we used to play together with her brother and sister but eversince they shifted, I'm all alone! :(

Me: Hey mommy you're on the way right? I'm not going. 

Mom: Yes would be there in 20 minutes. What?! Why? 

Me: I don't want to.

Mom: I've already packed for you. Haiz you ah! You're coming. That's it.

Me: Nooo! I don't want. Please lar. I don't wanna go.

Mom: Nono, you're coming. Quick be ready.

Me: Please, I don't want. I really don't want. Pleaseeee. 

Mom: You ah! You're gonna miss all the fun. You're coming. 

Me: I don't care! I t wouldn't even be fun going with them. They're so boring. Pleaseeeee! I'm not!

Dad: Come let me talk.

Me: Ok

Dad: Hello! She doesn't want to go means leave it lar. Don't force her. Pity her. 

Mom: -long pause- Ya ok. 

Me: Booyah!

Dad: There you go. Go and play,go. 

Best Dad Ever! <3 

I came back home after a while and my mom looked kinda mad. I stared at her innocently and smiled. She asked "Why smiling now?!" with a serious face but I saw her smiling slightly. I shook my head and suddenly she came chasing me and I ran and hid behind my dad. But see see, she went to take her phone, purposely wanted to scare me. Dad burst out laughing when I gave her "The Look". XD

But the thing is I'm still going to Ipoh. I agreed this time but I kinda regret it cause I've gotta wake up at 5 am. So now I know the reason why she wanted to send me away earlier, so that I don't have to wake up that early. Aww so sweet but there's no way I'm gonna go with my aunt today. NO! So I HAVE to FORCE myself to wake up tomorrow. Argh! 

The End Of A Chapter

Mood: Confused ; Stressed ; In a hurry ; Happyyyyyy

Gah multitasking is really stressful. And why on earth so many people chatting with me?! Aiyoyo!

Today was the last day of our 2011 schooling year. Goodbye miserable but fun Form 2, Hello unknown Form 3. 

It all ended well so nothing to regret about. Celebrated Jass's birthday today at Pn.Soo's room. Just us, the crazy freaks who had nothing better to do. 

Got really angry and sad when a bunch of fools had a damn cake fight! Ergh! 

Spent the day playing games and listening to songs. There was no emo-ing session today, too bad! XD 

Got lots of hugs today. All of them were like "Ashiiii! Hugs!" 

Gah so many of them lar. I actually ran away from my class, glad I wouldn't have to tolerate them anymore. Adios bitches and fools! (:

Miracles do happen. 

Been wishing and praying real hard for something since Wednesday and whee it was fulfilled today and I'm so happy it;s driving me insane. More than the usual actually! :P

Been giggling to myself the whole time, and I'm wearing a smile that's not gonna be worn off anytime soon. Why?! No idea, I'm just happy. I'm still smiling, gah what's wrong with me?

Parents dragging me to Ipoh tomorrow! Haiz and I haven't even packed! Me don't wanna goooo! :(

Imagine being sad, angry and disappointed all together, how the feeling of it is. That's what I felt yesterday and it controlled me and that resulted to a wound on my palm. Cekapp! How I got it? Don't even ask! It does hurt especially when it's time clean it and change the whatever thingy that is. I didn't even want it! >_<

Being the youngest in the family is actually fun but I'm so over-protected by them and I don't like that sometimes. So the news about me getting hurt spread so fast and most of them called and advised me, told me to take care and all. Gah, so annoying. Arvind and my brother scolded me big time along with my cousins. 

Soman and Endra tried their best to make me smile. Hah! 

But the one who actually changed my mood and made me feel a whole lot better was Shin Hau. Gah I love that guy lar! How I wish he was my real brother! He advised and me and then he crapped about something and totally distracted me from my sadness. He's awesomeeeee! 

I was trying my best to hide my hand from people but I seriously couldn't stand having my hand in the pocket for too long. All those who saw were like "What happened to your hand?! Are you ok?!" and I was like "Err...errr....yea am fine!" Didn't answer the what happened questions! 

Then Harvinesh asked me what happened and then I randomly said "I hit my grandpa!" and it made Kirro and I just purposely disturbed people to see how their weird reactions.

People: What happened to your hand?

Me: Kirro, tell them the story! -sad face-

Kirro: You see, yesterday she hit her grandfather and his cheekbone was kind of sharp and it poked her.

People: Omg, you hit your grandfather?! Why?!

Me: -looks down at the floor-

Kirro: She was in a bad mood and wanted to watch TV but her grandpa didn't let so she got angry and hit him but his cheekbone was sharp so went and poke her hand. She went off without looking at him but he fell down and hit his head on the floor. And he died. But it isn't her fault. The grandpa should have let her watch TV. And you know what, she doesn't care also.

Me: Haiz! -super sad face-

It doesn't sound very convincing here but when we actually did at school it was so realistic. XD

The convo was different everytime we tried it on someone. We sticked to the story but their questions and all were different and best part they really believed it. Hah that's only till I burst out laughing and say " You believed?" 

I got punching from Jayshri and Aly was chasing me all around, she whacked me and nicely pinched me! Pity me! :(

Just A Small Coincidence

MOOD: EXTREMELY HAPPY 

Last night was awesome except for the part I had to shove some sense into Shin Hau's mind! He didn't even have a brain to get what I said! My account got hacked by one jobless fella who's terrible in socializing. Hah!

But then after that the chat convo we had was really fun, well to me lar. It was ridiculous but it did make me smile reading everything he typed. His randomness, awh I missed it and so frigging happy he's back to being random with me instead of being boring and mean and heartless like the past few months.

School as usual,damn fun! Helped Pn.Christine sort out the PEKA files with Charath, Kuga, Kirro, Aly and Hua En. Amos was there with her. I asked Kirro something bout him but she heard wrongly and shouted out loud his AGE! Dammit!

We were doing our work and Pn Christine was eating so I purposely told her Amos is so shy and he's kinda obedient. I wanted to see her reaction and she quickly turned around and looked at her desk and then she was like speaking in eye contact with someone, that made me think she really went nuts cause I was sure nobody was there. Then she said, "Really?! Yaya! Looks can be deceiving aahh!" and out of nowhere Amos came in, he looked at me and smiled cause I technically praised him then asked Pn.Christine for water. I kept on looking at him in shock,wondering how long have he been sitting out there,hearing our little convo.

Kept on saying "Oh shit!" Gosh, the moment of embarrassment. Charath stared at me suspiciously and then asked me AGAIN with a big grin on his face:

Ashi, you have a crush on him right?! 

Me: What?! No! Shh! -points at teacher-

Charath: Ei don't lie!

Me: No lar! 

He came back and I looked at him again,hoping he didn't actually hear whatever I said and that he totally forgot. But damn!

Teacher offered us money but as the good kids we are, we said NO!

Teacher: I don't give money you know, now I giving you all don't want, I keep lar.

Me: Yeah teacher would never give away money one,so now she's giving means surely we're some special people.

Teacher: -smiles-

My friends: -laughed- cause they know I was being sarcastic!

Amos: Out of nowhere again,popped his head into the room we were in and smiled aso,hah I was insulting his mom what! XD

On FB, Charath and I were just being suspicious on who's real and whos' not and then...

Charath: U have a crush on him rite? doo not lie

Me: nono i don't k :P chumma ny XD

Cha: don't lie

Me: y u say i have a crush on him?

Cha: Coz the way u stared at him and also u were the only one talking bout him all the while among all of us who was helping teacher do the work....and many more reasons.

Me: -they were the ones crapping bout him saying he so muscular lar this lar that lar so I just said my opinion of him le- oi i stare at everyone k! i was just curious lar :P

Cha: watever....i could see the "curiosity" 

Me: hehehe ^^' it was juz for fun

I'm a slightly introverted person. I'm more of an observer.

Lovely Day! :)

Mood: Accomplished ; Tired ; Happy

Phew just had the chance to relax after cleaning up the whole house thoroughly with mom, cousins but the maid did most of the work. Hehe!

The best part of cleaning was we got to play with water and the rain doubled the fun. Everyone knows how much I love playing in the rain. We were spraying water at each other with the water hose and the bucket, we were so soaked. We skated all over the soapy places,danced like mad with the music blast on and my mom kept on repeating "Careful,don't fall!". Hah, its fun to scare her.

A butterfly sat on my feet and can't believe I actually screamed like mad for that. Hey not my fault, it was so ticklish.

I'm a total cleanliness freak I guess. When I clean stuff, I make sure it's super clean and it gotta have some kind  of shine on it meaning I over clean it! I know I know, I'm terrible.

And now I'm back to my daily duty, help people out,solve their problems and just be a good listener and let them help lessen their burden by allowing them to tell it all to me. (:

Thursday night was a great. My good friend asked me what was troubling me and I managed to tell him. But that wasn't great, the fact that we actually chatted was great. I liked the part we talked bout the musical instrument and I forgot to aks why he asked? Wouldn't it be fun if everyday we could just normally crap?! Whee! Mission Impossible! D:

School was terrific yesterday. My class is shifted to 5 Ixo, the second last blog, far far away and we are able to a whole lot of nonsense but I don't like it there. B-O-R-I-N-G! So I spent almost the whole day at 2 Ixo and it was fun! Kuga,Kirro,Lai and Aly laughed like mad watching me and Hua En fight all the time. Muahaha I pulled her rubber band and messed up her ah and she did the same thing back! ><
Puvee said hi to Shri and she nudged me to do so too and I wanted to but don't know why I was scared and was interested in staring at the pot of plant hanging on the wall instead. Gah! But eh at least he could have said hi to Puvee first rite or.... Haiz!

Watched how Shin Hau was in front of Alexial. Aw it was so adorable. He sat next to me and asked me about my problem. In my head I was like "Erm I'm really happy rite now and I'm trying my best not to think of it?!" but I just told him it's fine! He keet on peering outside the window wondering was it her near the pond and I kept on repeating it was her but he kept on asking "How you know?" Aiyo! So I bent down to see also and Shin Hau told Hua En I was smelling her and that I like her scent. Eeewww!

It didn't feel right although I've talked to Shri so I somehow asked Shin Hau in a twisted way and gah he knows it was about me. He told me to give Arvind a chance. ._.

I love my blog and tumblr! I blog to express not to impress. 

Tumblr posts actually makes me relax for a while and blogger allows me to let everything out when I don't feeling like talking to anybody which is always. 

Ok this post really doesn't make sense but I just don't know what else to do. I don't have any connection with anything right now, feel so lost, so empty. Practically I'm not even bothered bout anything. Everyone and everything can just get the hell out of my way for now! So no motivation or mood for anything.

Sucks To Be Me!

Mood: Guilty ; Sad

Guilt is a real terrible feeling. It makes you restless.
I'm really sorry lar but it was his fault also for making me angry.
Hate all the musical instruments especially the guitar?
NOOO!

Yes I was wrong and it just happened, I couldn't do anything. I'm very very very sorry.

Knowing that someone's wrong for you doesn't change the way you feel

 He can just pretend that nothing actually happened then everything would be fine, wouldn't it? I mean he just doesn't have to take it seriously! We can be just like before, having stupid conversations, ah it's been a long time since that but wouldn't it be fun?! :D

Isn't it weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends to being practically strangers again?

Now I really feel like he's angry and haven't forgiven me. Haiz. What am I supposed to do to make him like musical instruments again especially the guitar? He really likes it, then how could he possibly say he hates it now?!

Argh I really feel bad and he's shifting school? Great he's gonna leave without forgiving me and make me feel guilty the whole time. Perfect,just perfect.

And stuffs really isn't working out between me and Arvind. He's not answering my calls or replying my texts. What's wrong with him?! I'm not even angry with what he said, I'm just confused. I just need a chance to explain.. Hello, we really need to talk and I so need you right now so stop with the aloofness.

It totally sucks to be me now.

Oh Yeah!

Wheeeee! I'm feeling super great now. No worries, no troubles, nothing negative all. All happy happy. No reasons to be sad and why on earth should I be? Gah, I love sarcasm, one of the best thing ever! Owh and about the previous post, ignore it, was just a bunch of crap. I don't like him, it was just out of anger, that's all and I'm really sorry. Forgive me,please? :P

I'll be talking to Arvind later bout the last night's thing. Hope we can solve it in a nice way and be in good terms.

Fuck This Shit!

No use talking to me eh? Well great, thanks for letting me know. It was a pleasure.

He thinks I'm afraid to tell instrument guy that I like him? Agh fuck your thinking man! I'm not afraid and it's so damn easy, the only reason I'm not telling him is for his goddamn sake. It doesn't make any deal for me to tell him cause I know he hates me and I really don't like him and about what he's gonna say about it? I don't give a damn. He doesn't believe in all this stuffs and so do I. It's all bullshit just like his mind. The only reason I fell for him was cause he played the damn guitar on that very day. If only he hadn't, he would still be in my dislike list, he still is. He thinks I should tell right? Fine, I will and I'd do it here cause he reads my blog. So, instrument guy aka Shri Kumaran, I like you although you're pretty messed and I shouldn't be liking you cause you're my ex and my good friend although I'm not even a friend to you, but can't help it, you played the guitar. Btw I'm not a wimp, I can actually say this on your face but just to avoid getting attention, I wouldn't. Owh and I did follow your great advice and please I don't need your answer, your statement earlier was enough. Thank you so much for the help. Have a nice day.

P./S You don't have to worry bout it, my existence wouldn't be noticed, so don't have to think I'll try hard to convince you or anything. I'm sick of it already. Just pretend nothing happened and continue hating me. (:

Trouble Loves Me

The pain is hard; something I’ve never felt before. It’s not poking me or stabbing me forcefully, it’s just there, wrapping me just like a vine consumes a wall; it’s suffocating. It’s like, I’d do anything to have never met you, but I’d do anything to start over.

Spoke to Shin Hau yesterday bout that jealousy issue. I had to, it was drivin me nuts! And he concluded that I like instrument guy?! No way, I refuse to believe it. I don't like him. No! When I told him how he treats me, he said something must have happened it everything happens for a reason. The truth is nothing happened, I rarely communicate with him and he does it without reasons. One of the reasons why I don't like telling people that I have issues with someone is cause they ask me who is it. Can't they help me out without knowing?! I didn't dare to tell Shin Hau who it was although I do trust him. He'd probably laugh at me and I'm 99.99% sure he'd tell me not to like him cause even he would say it's wrong. Gah liking instrument guy has only been stressing me out.

A terrible thing happened last night, I really wish it was just a nightmare but reading the texts over and over again just proves that it's real and there's no way to escape. How can he possibly think of us in that way after all these years being best friends? He knows that I like instrument guy and what my issues are with being in a relationship then how could he possibly ask me? Didn't he even think how would I feel? How would I react? I mean now and before is two different things and he can't assume them to be the same.

Talking to him always makes me feel better cause he's a hilarious guy but I don't think I can talk to him for now after what he said although it's wrong for me keep him waiting for a reply. My answer is a definite NO but I'm afraid if I told him, I'd lose him. The last time, I had to convince him real bad to make him talk to me and be just friends. Gah, I just don't know what to do.

It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship

A Little Jealousy Wouldn't Harm Anyone!

JEALOUSY

A sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved person prefers someone else. 

Gah instrument guy brought down my hopes today, oh wait he did that some time ago but don't know why it really affects everytime he does it. I saw him with that girl everyone says he likes. I saw the way he approached her and to be honest yeah I was a tiny bit jealous, don't know why. I mean it's not that I like him or anything, I totally despise him for certain reasons and he does the same too I guess but without any reasons. How mean but it's good that way,rite?

The sight was actually kinda disturbing though but then I realized he's actually wasting his time on someone that's not gonna like him no matter how much he tries and here I am laughing at his stupidity. Hah, vaade himself and oh my I'm so bad but he deserves it for treating me badly. He really confused me. One moment he acts to be a good friend, then takes me as an enemy and then a nobody. Ergh make up your mind lar so I can actually decide who the hell you are to me. Luckily he doesn't know that I actually LIKED him or else he would have tortured me.

I don't hate you, I just think you're an obnoxious jerk that needs to get a life, consider a new attitude and stop being such a pain in the back, but no, I don't hate you.

Hello Miserable Life

Am I like the only positive minded person around here or is it just that I don't dare to share my feelings with anyone while everyone else just tells me almost all their probs? Yeah guess that's it. When someone states their problems to me, I don't know how the heck I turn from the crazy hyper fun me to a serious counselor who knows how to advice people. It freaks me out after I actually recover from it. Ergh. 

I'm a troubled soul behind the mask of happiness

I advice and cheer people up almost everyday. I realized everyone has problems but they're not afraid to ask for help and then there's ME, who's too afraid to share how I feel with anyone. My friends say I'll feel better if I let it out but I don't know, I just can't. I've tried but the closest I got was way too far from the actual problem. I'm just afraid, what if that person doesn't understand, what if that person decides to double the trouble? Argh I tell people to stay positive but I,myself am totally negative.

 I do have friends who say they'd always be there for me but I don't like troubling people by making them listen to my probs when I'm sure they have much better things to do. But sometimes I wonder, do they even care or do they simply say that? I mean I do trust them, a lot, and I love them all so very dearly and I'm really thankful to have friends like them but sometimes insecurity and fear takes over making us think of the impossible. 

I have no idea why I felt like writing this but there's something that's been bugging me the whole day, a weird feeling, mixture of emotions but I don't know what or why. Help? Yeah I seriously need it. Am I gonna ask? Definitely not. What if someone provides help? Well, depends on who it is. I just wish, I could actually talk to someone bout my issues. 

Mood: Tired ; Bored

Yesterday was just so fun. Went out with Lai, Hua En and Aly! Watched Tower Heist, gosh we laughed like mad and the guys behind us were double the madness. Gah, I officially dislike caffeine again now, thanks to the horrible incident. Ergh, don't wish to talk about it. Couldn't blog yesterday cause wasn't feeling very well so had to sleep early.

Today was just plain boring and tiring of course. Went to my grandparents house where there's no grandparents but only my aunt and uncle and a bunch of relatives.
Reasons why I hate being around my relatives:
1) They love complimenting. *99% sure all of em are fake!
2) They ask me way too many questions.
3) They stare at me.
Conclusion: They ANNOY me!

Two girls came up to me and said "Your cousin brother is HOT!"
Err not to say they're not hot but they're my cousins so I definitely not gonna admit it.
Am I child magnet or something? Almost all the kids there were clinging to me like I was a candy. They see me, shout my nickname and come rushing towards me. I'm the only person who can make them sit and down and shush, even their parents can't. Woah, is that considered a talent? XD

And now, I'm officially sick,don't know how! Had slight fever earlier but went down now. The medicines are making me feel so drowsy. Gah! ><

Malam Anugerah Koko

One of the best nights ever with my super awesome besties, Kuga, Kirro, Charath, Eunice, Kamalini, Vinnodth, Eswar and En Hao. The only table with girls and boys mixed other than Pashan's table.

We were just staring around at first, commenting on everyone and then i don't know what happened and we ended up crapping and at the same time I, Eunice,Eswar and Kamalini were bluetooth-ing.

We laughed like a bunch of maniacs cause everything was just so funny. I was making everyone laugh and I laughed too. Gosh, my tummy hurts now. Our laughter actually drew people's attentions to us and they gave us the you-mad? stare! Everyone were cheering and I was the only one screaming. Awkward moment.
So I told "if anyone asks why I'm screaming, I'll just say Charath's been trying to do bad stuffs to me."
Kirro: Ya tell them he touched you and you screamed because of that. Touch in the sense of hitting your shoulder but you don't tell that.
Charath: -laughs-
Me: Then he'll get whacking and we can watch the drama.
Kuga: Ya, everyone trusts a woman, Charath!
Me: Muahahaha!
*We're so random, I know!

They announced for us to get on stage, we got up then we sat down cause we were too shy, then they called us again and we got up again and the Form 3 Indian boys were like telling us vaade.(They kept staring at us cause we were real noisy!) We went up the stage and I was still laughing like mad. Kuga tried to control me but she failed. Mr Kamarul embarrassed all of us by saying 'Woah kita ada ramai gadis-gadis cantik di atas pentas ni, semua berseri-seri dan manis dipandang. And I was like "Errr,what?!" The whole time I was on the stage, I was just laughing like mad even when they took our pictures. I'm 101% sure I would look the weirdest in the pictures.

I was dared to go tell TG that he looked really great in that red shirt he wore and I would like to borrow it someday. Gah, how not nice. I walked up to him bravely but when I wanted to speak I stuttered. Haiz. Luckily he found it was a dare cause we kept on laughing even before I said anything.

Gah, I forgot what else we did. Tried thinking but can't remember any but we sure did lots more.

Mood: Happy
Thank you for putting a smile on my face. (:

Didn't get to publish my post yesterday, I was just too busy. Guess I'll post it next time.

I've been lacking of sleep for the past 2 days and it was terrible. Waking up was like a torture, oh wait it always has been.

Forced myself to wake up, got nagging from aunt, misplaced some important papers and hunted for it like a maniac, accidentally hit a pole while "sleepwalking" (ouch that was painful!) and all these were just early in the morning so technically my day started off real bad today. Gah! I was hoping that it doesn't get any worse and yay it didn't.

It was filled with lots of stupid jokes and laughter. We had Bollywood fever and all sort of nonsense.
Kishen was still irritating but I don't know why but I actually liked what he told me except for the stupid sex education topic that he was "teaching" us about. Eeww, God, it was terrible. Had to shift place just to get away from him but he still came hunting for me. Ergh! He never lets me read in peace.

The book I'm reading now is really nice but of course it's so fake in real life. The catchy prologue:

 I've never had a child and I've never gotten old. I don't know why. I have seen beauty in countless things. I have fallen in love, and she is the one who endures it. I killed her once and died for her many times and I still have nothing to show for it. I always search for her; I always remember her. I carry the hope that someday she will remember me.

Is there a guy like that in real world? A big NO definitely!

A Crapstatic Day! :D

I'm so glad to back to the happy and crazy me again. Being stressed was just not fun.

School was awesome. It was super fun and kinda annoying too.
French-braided my hair since tying it is definitely a very bad option. It looked horrible yesterday. And I didn't like the look today also. There a few people who said it was nice and I looked good but neah don't believe em'. It's terrible but at least it was better than yesterday so this is how it's gonna be like now. Haiz!

Kishen: Shri Kumaran was looking at you. Shri Kumaran still likes you, I asked him and he told me "How you know cha?" Too bad no tape recorder. Cheh. Ah Ashini also still like Shri Kumaran. Shri Kumaran.

*on one of his cacated tone! Ew!

Me: There are thousand over students sitting there and he might be looking at anyone. Not my fault I'm the only one you noticed, Kishen. I know him better than you do, so stop bullshitting. Why are you like mentioning his name so many times, what happened to pronouns? 

*I didn't say these out loud cause it's really interesting to hear someone lie when you already know the truth and see how hard they try to prove themselves to be true. Whatever. So used to his crap.

We were singing while reading (I was the only one reading!) during PJ.
Can't believe I was ignored, oh wait he does it ALL the time. I mean hello Mr, I have no interest in talking to you since you don't even bother so when I do call you that means I'm doing a favour for someone so please do mind to respond, where's your manners? He responded when Reshi called him, bluekk and if I ask, definitely a lame excuse would pop up or was I really soft? No way, Reshi heard me so definitely he heard! Gah, rude!

Thaanoj and gang were really annoying today. Ergh. Got "B" for science, created history cause throughout this whole year never gotten an "A" for it. Great rite?! Every time silly mistakes and when I went through the papers, I seriously went "WTF?! how could I possibly put this answer?! It's so obvious it's that one." Paper 2 spelling mistakes and had some extra words! Damn lar!

Choked myself today thanks to Charath and his jokes. Gosh, I was crying already. Toom my revenge on Charath. All these wasted time and my auntie left me and went. Haiz and my parents changed their numbers and I totally forgot what they were. Argh! Why can't they just use their old numbers? Hetcho! Luckily Roselyn came to the rescue. Heard the Form 3's play the guitar. Cekap!

Roselyn: Fuh, thinking bout instrument guy ah?

Me: Huh?! Where got?! :P

Video chatted with Sotish to help him pick a shirt to wear. It was awesome. He made me laugh like mad with all his weird acts. And he has Supra shoes, wow. My brother is dying to get those shoes!

Currently re-checking my Geo folio making sure everything's fine or else they would murder me.
And owh no I just remembered I've gotta pass up my textbooks tomorrow and haven't arranged them yet at all fix them. I'm dead! ._.