Trouble Loves Me

The pain is hard; something I’ve never felt before. It’s not poking me or stabbing me forcefully, it’s just there, wrapping me just like a vine consumes a wall; it’s suffocating. It’s like, I’d do anything to have never met you, but I’d do anything to start over.

Spoke to Shin Hau yesterday bout that jealousy issue. I had to, it was drivin me nuts! And he concluded that I like instrument guy?! No way, I refuse to believe it. I don't like him. No! When I told him how he treats me, he said something must have happened it everything happens for a reason. The truth is nothing happened, I rarely communicate with him and he does it without reasons. One of the reasons why I don't like telling people that I have issues with someone is cause they ask me who is it. Can't they help me out without knowing?! I didn't dare to tell Shin Hau who it was although I do trust him. He'd probably laugh at me and I'm 99.99% sure he'd tell me not to like him cause even he would say it's wrong. Gah liking instrument guy has only been stressing me out.

A terrible thing happened last night, I really wish it was just a nightmare but reading the texts over and over again just proves that it's real and there's no way to escape. How can he possibly think of us in that way after all these years being best friends? He knows that I like instrument guy and what my issues are with being in a relationship then how could he possibly ask me? Didn't he even think how would I feel? How would I react? I mean now and before is two different things and he can't assume them to be the same.

Talking to him always makes me feel better cause he's a hilarious guy but I don't think I can talk to him for now after what he said although it's wrong for me keep him waiting for a reply. My answer is a definite NO but I'm afraid if I told him, I'd lose him. The last time, I had to convince him real bad to make him talk to me and be just friends. Gah, I just don't know what to do.

It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship

A Little Jealousy Wouldn't Harm Anyone!

JEALOUSY

A sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved person prefers someone else. 

Gah instrument guy brought down my hopes today, oh wait he did that some time ago but don't know why it really affects everytime he does it. I saw him with that girl everyone says he likes. I saw the way he approached her and to be honest yeah I was a tiny bit jealous, don't know why. I mean it's not that I like him or anything, I totally despise him for certain reasons and he does the same too I guess but without any reasons. How mean but it's good that way,rite?

The sight was actually kinda disturbing though but then I realized he's actually wasting his time on someone that's not gonna like him no matter how much he tries and here I am laughing at his stupidity. Hah, vaade himself and oh my I'm so bad but he deserves it for treating me badly. He really confused me. One moment he acts to be a good friend, then takes me as an enemy and then a nobody. Ergh make up your mind lar so I can actually decide who the hell you are to me. Luckily he doesn't know that I actually LIKED him or else he would have tortured me.

I don't hate you, I just think you're an obnoxious jerk that needs to get a life, consider a new attitude and stop being such a pain in the back, but no, I don't hate you.

Hello Miserable Life

Am I like the only positive minded person around here or is it just that I don't dare to share my feelings with anyone while everyone else just tells me almost all their probs? Yeah guess that's it. When someone states their problems to me, I don't know how the heck I turn from the crazy hyper fun me to a serious counselor who knows how to advice people. It freaks me out after I actually recover from it. Ergh. 

I'm a troubled soul behind the mask of happiness

I advice and cheer people up almost everyday. I realized everyone has problems but they're not afraid to ask for help and then there's ME, who's too afraid to share how I feel with anyone. My friends say I'll feel better if I let it out but I don't know, I just can't. I've tried but the closest I got was way too far from the actual problem. I'm just afraid, what if that person doesn't understand, what if that person decides to double the trouble? Argh I tell people to stay positive but I,myself am totally negative.

 I do have friends who say they'd always be there for me but I don't like troubling people by making them listen to my probs when I'm sure they have much better things to do. But sometimes I wonder, do they even care or do they simply say that? I mean I do trust them, a lot, and I love them all so very dearly and I'm really thankful to have friends like them but sometimes insecurity and fear takes over making us think of the impossible. 

I have no idea why I felt like writing this but there's something that's been bugging me the whole day, a weird feeling, mixture of emotions but I don't know what or why. Help? Yeah I seriously need it. Am I gonna ask? Definitely not. What if someone provides help? Well, depends on who it is. I just wish, I could actually talk to someone bout my issues. 

Mood: Tired ; Bored

Yesterday was just so fun. Went out with Lai, Hua En and Aly! Watched Tower Heist, gosh we laughed like mad and the guys behind us were double the madness. Gah, I officially dislike caffeine again now, thanks to the horrible incident. Ergh, don't wish to talk about it. Couldn't blog yesterday cause wasn't feeling very well so had to sleep early.

Today was just plain boring and tiring of course. Went to my grandparents house where there's no grandparents but only my aunt and uncle and a bunch of relatives.
Reasons why I hate being around my relatives:
1) They love complimenting. *99% sure all of em are fake!
2) They ask me way too many questions.
3) They stare at me.
Conclusion: They ANNOY me!

Two girls came up to me and said "Your cousin brother is HOT!"
Err not to say they're not hot but they're my cousins so I definitely not gonna admit it.
Am I child magnet or something? Almost all the kids there were clinging to me like I was a candy. They see me, shout my nickname and come rushing towards me. I'm the only person who can make them sit and down and shush, even their parents can't. Woah, is that considered a talent? XD

And now, I'm officially sick,don't know how! Had slight fever earlier but went down now. The medicines are making me feel so drowsy. Gah! ><

Malam Anugerah Koko

One of the best nights ever with my super awesome besties, Kuga, Kirro, Charath, Eunice, Kamalini, Vinnodth, Eswar and En Hao. The only table with girls and boys mixed other than Pashan's table.

We were just staring around at first, commenting on everyone and then i don't know what happened and we ended up crapping and at the same time I, Eunice,Eswar and Kamalini were bluetooth-ing.

We laughed like a bunch of maniacs cause everything was just so funny. I was making everyone laugh and I laughed too. Gosh, my tummy hurts now. Our laughter actually drew people's attentions to us and they gave us the you-mad? stare! Everyone were cheering and I was the only one screaming. Awkward moment.
So I told "if anyone asks why I'm screaming, I'll just say Charath's been trying to do bad stuffs to me."
Kirro: Ya tell them he touched you and you screamed because of that. Touch in the sense of hitting your shoulder but you don't tell that.
Charath: -laughs-
Me: Then he'll get whacking and we can watch the drama.
Kuga: Ya, everyone trusts a woman, Charath!
Me: Muahahaha!
*We're so random, I know!

They announced for us to get on stage, we got up then we sat down cause we were too shy, then they called us again and we got up again and the Form 3 Indian boys were like telling us vaade.(They kept staring at us cause we were real noisy!) We went up the stage and I was still laughing like mad. Kuga tried to control me but she failed. Mr Kamarul embarrassed all of us by saying 'Woah kita ada ramai gadis-gadis cantik di atas pentas ni, semua berseri-seri dan manis dipandang. And I was like "Errr,what?!" The whole time I was on the stage, I was just laughing like mad even when they took our pictures. I'm 101% sure I would look the weirdest in the pictures.

I was dared to go tell TG that he looked really great in that red shirt he wore and I would like to borrow it someday. Gah, how not nice. I walked up to him bravely but when I wanted to speak I stuttered. Haiz. Luckily he found it was a dare cause we kept on laughing even before I said anything.

Gah, I forgot what else we did. Tried thinking but can't remember any but we sure did lots more.

Mood: Happy
Thank you for putting a smile on my face. (:

Didn't get to publish my post yesterday, I was just too busy. Guess I'll post it next time.

I've been lacking of sleep for the past 2 days and it was terrible. Waking up was like a torture, oh wait it always has been.

Forced myself to wake up, got nagging from aunt, misplaced some important papers and hunted for it like a maniac, accidentally hit a pole while "sleepwalking" (ouch that was painful!) and all these were just early in the morning so technically my day started off real bad today. Gah! I was hoping that it doesn't get any worse and yay it didn't.

It was filled with lots of stupid jokes and laughter. We had Bollywood fever and all sort of nonsense.
Kishen was still irritating but I don't know why but I actually liked what he told me except for the stupid sex education topic that he was "teaching" us about. Eeww, God, it was terrible. Had to shift place just to get away from him but he still came hunting for me. Ergh! He never lets me read in peace.

The book I'm reading now is really nice but of course it's so fake in real life. The catchy prologue:

 I've never had a child and I've never gotten old. I don't know why. I have seen beauty in countless things. I have fallen in love, and she is the one who endures it. I killed her once and died for her many times and I still have nothing to show for it. I always search for her; I always remember her. I carry the hope that someday she will remember me.

Is there a guy like that in real world? A big NO definitely!

A Crapstatic Day! :D

I'm so glad to back to the happy and crazy me again. Being stressed was just not fun.

School was awesome. It was super fun and kinda annoying too.
French-braided my hair since tying it is definitely a very bad option. It looked horrible yesterday. And I didn't like the look today also. There a few people who said it was nice and I looked good but neah don't believe em'. It's terrible but at least it was better than yesterday so this is how it's gonna be like now. Haiz!

Kishen: Shri Kumaran was looking at you. Shri Kumaran still likes you, I asked him and he told me "How you know cha?" Too bad no tape recorder. Cheh. Ah Ashini also still like Shri Kumaran. Shri Kumaran.

*on one of his cacated tone! Ew!

Me: There are thousand over students sitting there and he might be looking at anyone. Not my fault I'm the only one you noticed, Kishen. I know him better than you do, so stop bullshitting. Why are you like mentioning his name so many times, what happened to pronouns? 

*I didn't say these out loud cause it's really interesting to hear someone lie when you already know the truth and see how hard they try to prove themselves to be true. Whatever. So used to his crap.

We were singing while reading (I was the only one reading!) during PJ.
Can't believe I was ignored, oh wait he does it ALL the time. I mean hello Mr, I have no interest in talking to you since you don't even bother so when I do call you that means I'm doing a favour for someone so please do mind to respond, where's your manners? He responded when Reshi called him, bluekk and if I ask, definitely a lame excuse would pop up or was I really soft? No way, Reshi heard me so definitely he heard! Gah, rude!

Thaanoj and gang were really annoying today. Ergh. Got "B" for science, created history cause throughout this whole year never gotten an "A" for it. Great rite?! Every time silly mistakes and when I went through the papers, I seriously went "WTF?! how could I possibly put this answer?! It's so obvious it's that one." Paper 2 spelling mistakes and had some extra words! Damn lar!

Choked myself today thanks to Charath and his jokes. Gosh, I was crying already. Toom my revenge on Charath. All these wasted time and my auntie left me and went. Haiz and my parents changed their numbers and I totally forgot what they were. Argh! Why can't they just use their old numbers? Hetcho! Luckily Roselyn came to the rescue. Heard the Form 3's play the guitar. Cekap!

Roselyn: Fuh, thinking bout instrument guy ah?

Me: Huh?! Where got?! :P

Video chatted with Sotish to help him pick a shirt to wear. It was awesome. He made me laugh like mad with all his weird acts. And he has Supra shoes, wow. My brother is dying to get those shoes!

Currently re-checking my Geo folio making sure everything's fine or else they would murder me.
And owh no I just remembered I've gotta pass up my textbooks tomorrow and haven't arranged them yet at all fix them. I'm dead! ._.