The pain is hard; something I’ve never felt before. It’s not poking me or stabbing me forcefully, it’s just there, wrapping me just like a vine consumes a wall; it’s suffocating. It’s like, I’d do anything to have never met you, but I’d do anything to start over.
Spoke to Shin Hau yesterday bout that jealousy issue. I had to, it was drivin me nuts! And he concluded that I like instrument guy?! No way, I refuse to believe it. I don't like him. No! When I told him how he treats me, he said something must have happened it everything happens for a reason. The truth is nothing happened, I rarely communicate with him and he does it without reasons. One of the reasons why I don't like telling people that I have issues with someone is cause they ask me who is it. Can't they help me out without knowing?! I didn't dare to tell Shin Hau who it was although I do trust him. He'd probably laugh at me and I'm 99.99% sure he'd tell me not to like him cause even he would say it's wrong. Gah liking instrument guy has only been stressing me out.
A terrible thing happened last night, I really wish it was just a nightmare but reading the texts over and over again just proves that it's real and there's no way to escape. How can he possibly think of us in that way after all these years being best friends? He knows that I like instrument guy and what my issues are with being in a relationship then how could he possibly ask me? Didn't he even think how would I feel? How would I react? I mean now and before is two different things and he can't assume them to be the same.
Talking to him always makes me feel better cause he's a hilarious guy but I don't think I can talk to him for now after what he said although it's wrong for me keep him waiting for a reply. My answer is a definite
It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship
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