Fucked Up Situation 101

Mood: Super duper sad

Wow what a way to end 2011 and begin 2012! Crying like mad here and don't ask me why! Too many things lar! I'm already missing 2011! The first 8 months was perfect. Everything was going great, I had everything I needed but then later on everything turned to be so shitty and all and woala, it's now my current life. Kamz is the only one would understand that. No offence intended to anyone! =='

And guess what?! I've got freaks as besties! What a pathetic life. Freaks in the sense, they're soooo errrrrr dumb you know! I mean, c'mon lar, I said everything would be fine. I would spend time with both but those two, huh NO! They're going out sacrificing for each other. Both feel sorry for each other and gah I feel sorry for myself! Yes, I sound selfish but I don't care! Seriously, why am I the only one tolerating their goddamn stupidity and trying real hard to convince them?! C'mon lar, somebody listen to me for God's sake lar! I know what I'm doing, I've still got enough sense but those two seriously gonna make go mad. Aiyooo Raamaaa!

I was so very pissed this morning and I intended to keep all that anger in me, I totally didn't wanna let it go and I swore to myself to not let that anger turn into tears since I can't scold the people I was angry at. I scribbled on papers, tore two of the papers and I burnt the other four. Yes burn em! If I had a hammer at that time, I would have definitely smashed all the stuffs that was in my sight. But then, I couldn't stay angry for too long. I had a huge urge to smile for no apparent reason at all and yes I did smile. Not fair!! Why can't I stay angry as long as those people who could!? Not fair! Not fair! Not fair! Screw you smiley me! >:(

Called Kuga at around 7 and I was at Jusco that time! At the car park since everyone was so busy shopping. Ergh! Guess what?! She read my blog! Wonderful! All thanks to who?! Definitely the one and only person I had thought who would have done such a thing. Thanks a lot for being such a help! How sweet of you! Really! Help me promote my blog some more ah! You're a great promoter! Keep up the good work! Yay! :D I get it you're mega annoyed but hey I did apologize! I just didn't know that apology was rejected! Ouch! Mind to tell me next time! Kuga kept saying it isn't his fault! True fact! He's seriously has nothing to be blamed at! He was just helping her! Really this time no sarcasm! Pinky swear! It was obviously my fault! Still no sarcasm! I was the one who forgot my friend. I was the bad one. And yeah she said it, I wasn't there but he was! True fact also! Agreeable! Still no sarcasm aite! I was so pissed while on the phone with her, I couldn't even talk. Grrr! And dayyum, cried la wei! I didn't have any other way to release all that anger. I punched the board but the people stared at me as though I was vandalizing so bad idea, so I plucked the grass. She said  we were feeling the opposite today. I'm feeling what she felt and she was feeling what I felt. But na ah that's not true. I was fucking pissed and sad and I wasn't ignoring her by chatting with someone else like how she was doing. No, I wasn't being entertained. So, it's not the same thing. What she felt was just slightly of how I felt. Just slight! She tried changing the topic but hah didn't work. And no, I wasn't trying to get back to her for how she behaved yesterday. As I said, I was fine with it. She had every right to be angry! I understand. Really!
She knew I was crying. I hate it when she's right, well on the negative stuffs of me lar! And I kept denying and she said I'm a bad liar. She kept repeating stuffs about how he's such a great adviser, how he was there for her, how he helped her out, how he gave the blog link, what they talked about, how I wasn't there, how Kamz's status was, how guilty she felt. Wow! Seriously, that made me feel a heck lot better!
Then she kept sorry-ing owh and then she said I'm wasting money and that I had to keep the phone. Lemme translate that k.
"I'm tired of talking to you! You better keep the phone"
Tadaaaaaaa! :D

Yeah yeah you may say I'm overreacting, well I have nothing else to do. I don't have anyone who's listening to me or I could even talk to. Only me, myself and I! So definitely I have every right to overreact! I mean they're obviously overreacting! So much of dramarama is driving me nuts.
Kuga's been asking me to talk to Kamz! I don't get it! When I talked to her, she didn't like it and now we're not talking, she's asking me to go talk to her?! It was a problem when I talked to her and it's still a problem when she's not talking to me! So can someone tell me what am I doing wrong?! Talking and not talking, still my fault eh?! And I am talking to her, she's the one avoiding! I've got no more energy to beg them lar! I'm fully drained. 

Why do people feel guilty AFTER ruining everything?! I mean, while you were ruining it, what did you feel?! Happiness?! Seriously?! I'm very impressed. But you see, nothing's ruined YET! If  they both continue to fucking sacrifice then yeah everything would definitely be ruined. I'm tired of this sentences:
"I'm sorry for ruining your friendship with Kamz"
"I shouldn't interfere in your matter"
"I'm sorry for ruining your friendship with Kuga"
"I should step out. It's the best for all"

People! People! Peopleeeeeeeeeee! I said it's no biggie and it's nothing like that. I'm really tired explaining to them that everything's fine. I come home tired and sick and I read their long sad messages, gah what do you expect me to feel?! I guess, one more sad message and I'm definitely giving up. They both can just do whatever they want, I don't matter what. Really! Not only on them but everyone I guess. Should be the friendless person then maybe just maybe, I'd get some peace of mind. Trust me, I would really do it if I need to! Oh wait, I'm already a friendless person! How could I not realize it earlier?! I've got nobody, nobody but me oh, I got nobody, nobody, nobody nobody but me! XD
Try being the current me for a while, trust me, you wouldn't last even a minute.
Oh and I think the earlier post's title fits here best! Lemme go change! Wheeeeee!
Yes I've gone nuts. Don't think I could even sleep. Swollen eyes hurts a lot! Hmm guess I'll spend the night talking to Mr. Teddy and hm emo-ing! Too bad my emo partner has left me. I'm all alone now! Yayy! :D

Aiyoo Raamaaa!