My Mind Is A Mess, My Heart Is In A Storm

"You deserve someone better" 

I've been hearing this from the first day I revealed that I like him but it didn't make any difference instead I fell in love with him so how can he possibly think by saying it again to me would change my mind? Trust me, it doesn't. I'm sick and tired of hearing this same old sentence and everytime I've gotta repeat myself that I don't want someone better. He's good enough for me. 

He doesn't love me, he left me, he managed to get over me well that's him not me. I'm still here waiting like I said a few months back although I know he's not gonna come back, I don't think I'll manage to get over him,I'm a sick bitch and I still love him. 

The problem is I don't think I could imagine someone else in his place. I don't think I could fall for another person. I'm stuck. I'm gonna miss him, in fact I started to miss him the very moment he said goodbye. 

He just walked away without giving me a reason, an explanation, something that I could hold on to. Don't I deserve to know? Its just so unfair. Now I sit here and wonder what went wrong. Its like only his feelings matter. As though I don't have feelings right? He said he's sorry but what is that sorry gonna give me? 

I'm trying my level best to take it positively but screw my feelings, the just come rushing back forcing the tears. I'm being as sarcastic as possible to myself, blast the music but it just doesn't seem to work. Well, what does he expect? 2 weeks back I almost got over him and then he came back and made me believe this time it would last. This time, I wouldn't get hurt but it didn't and I got hurt. 

Forget him? Easy to say hard to do. I don't simply forget people especially those who mean a lot to me. I don't care if he's gonna forget me, fall for someone else, whatever but just don't expect me to do the same. I'm NOT him.

Just once try to put myself in my shoes. You'll fall on the very first step itself. Just once try to understand my feelings, you'll have nightmares. You cried yesterday, I don't know why. Just try being me for a while and you'll know how much I've cried, how badly I'm still crying. Imagine how it feels being left by one guy again and again. Imagine how it feels when you have to cry yourself to sleep, having all those thoughts that doesn't seem to go away, haunting your nights. If one day you understand all these, then you'd really know how I feel.